What is compatibility?

“Compatibility usually corresponds to the long-term potential between two people.”

Mark Manson

Compatibility can mean different things to different people: how much your values line up with another person’s, how much another person’s quirks don’t bother you, how well you get along with another person in day to day life; any number of different things.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, though, there are clear signs of incompatibility in a relationship:

1. Conflict is the center of the relationship. Disagreements aren’t resolved quickly and are a defining part of the relationship.

2. Humor and fun aren’t key components of the relationship.

3. Desires and plans are vastly different from each other.

When it comes down to it though, even though people generally gravitate towards similarity, having differences with your partner isn’t necessarily a bad thing, nor does it always mean you’re not compatible long-term. Sometimes the differences are fun and keep things interesting, and the gravitation towards similarity was perhaps more important when humans were still in the early stages of evolution. What’s important is to be clear with yourself what kinds of behaviors and differences enhance your relationship rather than hurt it.

Listen to the full episode for some more in-depth exploration on different studies done surrounding compatibility!