Opening a relationship is extremely difficult, extremely stressful, and it’s not for everyone! Not every relationship looks the same, and it’s important to choose what you want in your personal relationships. If you’re considering non-monogamy, but perhaps aren’t totally sold on the idea or simply apprehensive, there are a couple things you can do, either before opening up a relationship or instead of doing so:

1. Get a third party professional to help you look at your relationship. A social worker, a counselor, a therapist…the options are endless. Preferably, they should be familiar with non-monogamy. Even if your relationship isn’t currently in trouble, couples counseling can be a valuable experience and help you be more cognizant.

2. Disentangle. If you and your partner rarely spend time apart, it can be helpful to start cultivating your own hobbies, or try to have some experiences by yourself to avoid developing a codependent relationship. Disentangling can be as simple as spending some time by yourself or as big as taking an entire trip on your own.

3. Entangle. Although it might seem counterintuitive, considering this suggestion follows one to disentangle, sometimes we’re already disentangled, and reconnecting is helpful. Having regular date nights or something similar is a good practice to engage in if you aren’t spending much quality time with each other.

4. The experiment of connecting to people outside your relationship. Intentionally fostering connections with others, like friends and family, both as a couple and individually, can be valuable and rewarding. Growth in relationships that aren’t romantic is excellent for furthering your own personal growth as well.

5. Break up or restructure your relationship in some way. Breaking up isn’t fun to think about, but sometimes it’s necessary. Sometimes even just changing expectations is enough, or separate finances, or living separately. And although breaking up isn’t to be taken lightly, it’s important to include in the options.

6. Sex and intimacy. Sometimes a desire to open the relationship stems from a desire to experience new things, excitement, kink, or something similar. Exploring some of these with your partner or even just verbalizing fantasies can contribute to the sense of excitement. Also consider connecting with local swinger clubs or members of the kink community, or even attending a play party. Some sex shops or local communities also host workshops that can be a fun way to reinvigorate your sex life, if that’s something you find yourself wanting.