Codependency 101

Codependency is defined as “excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.” First gaining traction in the late ‘70s, countless books on the subject were published throughout the ‘80s and ‘90s until its peak in 1995.

Am I codependent?

Although the only way to truly know if you’re codependent or not is to be diagnosed by a licensed professional, there are some behaviors that people associate with the subject. An article from Mental Health America lists a range of characteristics that may help pinpoint whether or not someone is exhibiting codependent behavior:

• An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others

• A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue

• A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time

• A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts

• An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment

• An extreme need for approval and recognition

• A sense of guilt when asserting themselves

• A compelling need to control others

• Lack of trust in self and/or others

• Fear of being abandoned or alone

• Difficulty identifying feelings

• Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change

• Problems with intimacy/boundaries

• Chronic anger

• Lying/dishonesty

• Poor communications

• Difficulty making decisions

A harmful subject

Within the psychology and research community, the subject of codependence is often heavily debated, and often viewed as something harmful. This is largely due to the lack of agreement between medical professionals concerning characteristics that identify codependency; almost anyone can fall into the category since there are so many qualities and definitions. Currently, there is only one psychometric index of codependence, the Holyoke Codependency Index, but even this tool has limitations, and until medical and psychological professionals can agree upon a definition and comprehensive way to diagnose, the critiques remain.

Many feminists also critique the term, since often, women are labeled as codependent, particularly those who have relationships with men who suffer from substance abuse, and responsibility and enablement are attributed to them. Mislabeling actions as codependent can pathologize nurturing behavior, and as such, it may be better to approach how some behaviors may seem codependent but actually are not.

What are your thoughts on codependency? Let us know in the comments!