Stressful times, stressful measures

Stress is a big deal in regular life, but at the time that this episode comes out, we’re in the midst of a pandemic, and many people are unemployed, cooped up with a partner, or perhaps separated from a partner or partners that they might normally be seeing regularly.

We thought it would be a good idea to talk about some tools that you can use to keep stress levels low, especially when interacting with partners.

Top external stressors

Most people already know what stress is, but not everyone is aware of the different things that can cause stress. Some activities seem relaxing, but may actually be cause for anxiety:

• Big issues, like death of a loved one, losing a job, a global pandemic, etc.

• Sexual difficulties

• Career change

• A child moving out

• A partner stopping or starting work from home

• Changes in sleeping or eating habits

• Vacation

Managing your stress, especially if you live with someone else, is vital. Studies show that couples who poorly manage stress are more likely to relapse in a way, or ignore the coping mechanisms and tools that they’ve learned.

According to the Gottman Institute, couples who are considered to be “chaotic” may exhibit signs such as:

• feeling like they’re completely out of control and always reactive

• feeling powerless to problem-solve

• feeling like it’s impossible to find a routine or solid ground even in the midst of stress

• “Passive endurance,” or feeling resigned to things always feeling hard

Stress toolbox for conversations

In order to keep healthy communication alive in your relationships, managing stress together is important. We have some tips to have a good, clear conversation that won’t add anxiety:

• Take turns. Make sure each person has the chance to speak and listen.

• Speaker’s job: Take the time to talk about what’s the most stressful in your life right now. Talk about what you’re feeling and thinking, not just what happened. Use the Triforce and communicate what you’re looking for.

• Listener’s job: Show interest, communicate understanding and empathy, and give affection and comfort. Do NOT side with the enemy, minimize your partner’s emotions or distress, or exhibit any of these behaviors: stonewalling, criticism, contempt, or blame/defensiveness.

Remember to check up on each other regularly, communicating how you’re feeling and giving your partner space to do the same. And don’t forget to share the good stuff, too!