Living in close quarters

We (and many others) have given advice in the past about what to do when you’re in a long distance relationship: how to manage being apart from a partner or partners, keeping in touch, etc. However, especially with what’s going on in the world right now with the coronavirus pandemic, many people in the polyamorous community are isolated with one partner and aren’t used to living in such close quarters or spending so much time together. Pandemics aside, this could also occur if one partner has a career change and starts working from home, or other situations take place that call for spending much more time together.

Working from home

In this case, we have some tips for those of us who need to spend more time at home, as well as some on how to manage a relationship where you’re suddenly stepping all over each other.

These tips make working from home and staying home a lot much more manageable:

• Sticking to a routine. Instead of falling into the common cycle of staying up super late and then waking up in the middle of the day, adhering to a similar schedule that you might have had before can be extremely helpful in helping you maintain your mental health.

• Exercising. Exercise helps release endorphins, which will automatically brighten your mood, and spending so much time at home means some of us have more time to set attainable exercise goals.

• Siting in the sun. Vitamin D deficiency can contribute to a poor mood, and seasonal effective disorder is a real problem sometimes. Spending some time out in the sun every day can help keep your serotonin levels high and steady.

• Working on your personal mental health. Most mental health professionals are doing virtual telehealth visits, but it’s also important to speak to friends and family, or maybe use this time to journal or meditate.

• Limiting social media and media intake. Social media use raises cortisol levels, which are responsible for stress, particularly in a time like this. Additionally, spending too much time reading or watching the news can have a negative impact on your mental health. It’s not irresponsible to step back from these things for your own good.

• Letting yourself off the hook. Be gentle with yourself during this time, and don’t stress about productivity too much.

Isolating together

For those of us who are quarantined with a partner right now, sometimes it can feel like everywhere you turn you’re bumping into them. Not all of us are used to such close quarters, and taking these points into consideration can help you keep your relationship smooth during stressful times:

• Create physical distance when you can. Make sure you effectively ask for this as well. Spending time physically apart, even if it’s just in different rooms or facing away from each other, can give you some valuable alone time that all of us need sometimes.

• Divvy up housework. Even if one of you isn’t working right now or has been laid off, it’s still important to divide household chores among yourselves so one person doesn’t feel like they’re doing all the work.

• Set boundaries and relay expectations. Make sure you and your partner know how you want your work from home situation to look. Do you need complete silence for certain meetings or have confidentiality you have to adhere to for your work? Additionally, make sure you express when you need personal time or time alone.

• Continue to do check-ins or RADAR. If necessary, doing more frequent mini check-ins can also be helpful. Even if you’re spending more time together, you still need to keep having check-ins to make sure you’re both feeling okay emotionally.

• Work on your communication skills. Now is a good time to go back and utilize the Triforce of Communication, employ HALTDD if necessary, or take your relationship to the repair SHOP.

• Find the silver lining and express gratitude. If you can, take this time to enjoy having more time to spend together, and lean on each other for emotional support.

  Image credit to Disabled And Here.