Therapeutic considerations

There’s more to choosing a therapist than just finding one in your insurance network. And aside from finding a therapist, there are some other things to consider when seeking therapy:

1. Couples therapy: It’s possible that couples therapy might make you or your partner worry about the therapist “siding” with one of you. Although relationship and marital therapists are trained to be attuned to different communication styles and are skillful at working with couples and different genders. In some cases, if the client(s) are still worried, however, there are co-therapy teams that may make everyone more comfortable.

2. Race: Although most or all therapists are trained in working with diverse people, sometimes it’s helpful to seek out a therapist of the same race who can better understand your cultural upbringing and background. Additionally, if you were/are the victim of abuse or discrimination, it can be important to have a therapist who does not have a similar background to your abuser.

3. Religion: There are some religious and/or spiritual focused forms of therapy, so if religion is an important aspect of your life, seeking religious counseling can be a positive form of therapy. Religious counselors use religious texts and teachings in conjunction with things like prayer, which is what makes them different from traditional therapists.

4. LGBTQ: Not all therapists will be familiar with or supportive of LGBTQ people, so finding one who is well-versed in the LGBTQ community can be vital. Unsurprisingly, if a therapist has a religious objection to you or your sexual orientation/gender identity, that’s not someone with whom you would want to work.

5. Consensual Non-monogamy: For those of us who are polyamorous, it’s crucial to find a therapist or counselor who has worked with other non-monogamous couples/people before, or at the very least, is not morally opposed to the idea and is open to learning about it. Some therapists may have preconceived notions about consensual non-monogamy and it’s possible they may see it as a root cause of issues.

Choosing a therapist

The bottom line is: you and your therapist need to like each other. You also need to have good communication and a willingness to work together:

1. Check our list of considerations and ask yourself if you have any to add. When finding therapists, look at their bios and see if anything there resonates with you.

2. Sometimes you may not have preferences regarding who you speak to, so some online sites and apps have questionnaires about your background and what you want to work on and will give you a list of people to go to from there.

3. Therapist credentials may not matter to you, but there are protected terms that one can only use with the right training/education (therapist, psychiatrist, social worker, etc.) and others that aren’t protected, such as coach, counselor, and life coach. If you’re seeking therapy for something specific, it can be helpful to ask if they have experience with that specific issue.

4. Make a list of questions to ask, for example:

   • Do you have an expertise or specialty?

   • What is the cost per session?

   • Do you prescribe medication or can you refer me to someone who can?

   • Will my therapy with you be long or short term?

   • What training have you received and do you continue to research and learn new treatment approaches? 

   • How do you help your patients get comfortable with therapy and with you as a therapist? 

Nontraditional therapy

There are some apps and programs for those who either can’t go to traditional therapy for whatever reason or who might prefer a more easy-to-use option that doesn’t cost as much.

• Talkspace: $65-$99 a week.

• Better Help: $40-$70 a week.

• Larkr: $85 a session.

• ReGain: $40-$70 a week.

• Teen Counseling: $40-$70 a week.

Additionally, some non-monogamy friendly places to start looking for therapy are:

• The Polyamory-Friendly Professionals Directory: https://www.polyfriendly.org.

• The Kink Aware Professionals Directory (KAP): https://www.ncsfreedom.org.

• The Open List: Openingup.net/open-list.

• The Polyamory Loving More Member Professionals List: https://www.lovingmorenonprofit.org.

• The “Meet our Experts” section of The Affirmative Couch: https://affirmativecouch.com.