What is rejection?

“In the field of mental health care, rejection most frequently refers to the feelings of shame, sadness, or grief people feel when they are not accepted by others.”

GoodTherapy.org

Psychological effects of rejection can include:

• Trauma.

• Depression.

• Physical pain response.

• Anxiety and stress.

• Abuse.

PARTheory (parental acceptance-rejection theory) suggests that humans evolved a strong need for positive responses from people important to them, starting with parental figures and caregivers. If this need is unmet, according to the theory, people tend to develop a set of socioemotional and cognitive dispositions such as:

• Hostility, aggression, passive aggression, or problems managing hostility and aggression.

• Dependence or defensive independence.

• Impaired self-esteem.

• Impaired self-adequacy.

• Emotional unresponsiveness.

• Emotional instability.

• Negative worldview.

How to NOT handle rejection

There are a lot of resources out there about rejection. Some are good, some are bad, but generally, what NOT to do includes behaviors such as:

• Getting “revenge,” such as talking shit, being mean, sleeping with their friend, trying to make them jealous.

• Picking at the person’s flaws (this is a defense mechanism).

• Picking at your own flaws.

• Dating or having sex with someone you aren’t interested in as a way to boost your ego.

• Considering yourself “cursed,” or reinforcing a particular narrative about yourself as someone who always gets rejected or is unlovable.

• Stopping caring about anything.

Alternatively, some healthy ways to cope with rejection include:

• Allow yourself to feel it and don’t deny the very real emotions you are feeling.

• Practice self-validation and put up boundaries with your inner critic.

• Drop the resentment.

• See rejection for what it is: another fucking opportunity for growth (AFOG).

• Take care of yourself.