De-nesting

While living together without being married (or perhaps before marriage) is becoming increasingly popular, some forget that living apart doesn’t always have the negativity that it is associated with. Some people may live apart for career reasons, but there are some benefits of not cohabitating, such as:

• More independence, autonomy, personal freedom, or space.

• Allowing women to subvert traditional gender roles.

• Ability to prioritize familial relationships.

Living apart but being in a committed relationship is also somewhat common within the LGBT community, sometimes out of inability to be out as queer for one or both people.

There is a certain amount of financial privilege that comes with being able to live alone as well, and so some opt for the more financially secure option of living with others. This has caused a rise in co-housing communities as well in the past few years, or communities where there are private households with shared common areas.

We also discussed de-nesting with a panel of our patrons who have gone through the process themselves. They answer the following questions in the second half of this episode:

1. Please give us a little background into your decision to de-nest without de-escalating your relationship. Why did you decide to do this?

2. What were some of the emotional or practical/logistical things you had to navigate in making that transition? 

3. What kinds of effects do you feel de-nesting had on your relationship? 

4. Did one of you initiate the conversation into de-nesting? How did the other person initially react? 

5. What are your plans for the future? Do you plan to always remain de-nested or would you be interested in nesting with this or another partner again in the future? 

6. How has this impacted your relationship with your other partners or your metamours?