We’re all imposters

Imposter syndrome affects almost most of us at one time or another.

Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud."

Imposter syndrome is more common than you might think. An estimated nearly 70% of individuals will experience signs and symptoms of impostor phenomenon at least once in their life. Some characteristics and facts about it include:

• It causes one to think you have deceived others into believing that you are more competent than you actually are. 

• Has been recognized to affect men and women equally. 

• Impostor phenomenon is studied as a reaction to particular stimuli and events.

• It is a phenomenon (an experience) that occurs in an individual, not a mental disorder.

• Impostor phenomenon is not recognized in the DSM or ICD, although both of these classification systems recognize low self-esteem and sense of failure as associated symptoms of depression.

• Can happen at a new job or academic setting. Happens to a lot of students in a new academic environment.

How it can affect relationships

Imposter syndrome can manifest in relationships as:

• I’m not good enough for my partner.

• I don’t make enough money. 

• I don’t have a job that will support us.

• I won’t be a good enough parent.

• Partner will like someone else more than me. 

• My metamours are cooler/hotter/smarter than I am.

• My partner deserves better than me.

Behavior-wise, this can manifest as:

• Withdrawal and emotional unavailability. 

• Comparison to others.

• Anxiety.

• Depression.

• Low self-confidence. 

• Agonizing or obsessing over mistakes. 

• Looking for approval from others. 

• Lack of trust in others.

• Doubting others around you. 

• Self Sabotage.

To combat it, try one of the following techniques:

• Make a list of ten things that make you qualified for the job/relationship/success 

• Positive affirmations. Research has shown that adding your name to the affirmation is even more effective. 

• Own your accomplishments and don’t fall back on excuses.

• Visualize success. This is something a ton of athletes and high achievers do. 

• Talk to a colleague or friend who will tell it to you straight how awesome you are. 

• Work on your confidence! Try to speak up, raise your hand or volunteer your expertise. Fake it till you make it. 

• Create a folder (on your computer or a hard copy) of all the nice things or praise that people have said or written about you. Pull it up if you need a pick me up or feel imposter syndrome creeping in. 

• Communicate with your partner. Try to identify if there is something you are lacking or need that will help you feel better about yourself in your relationship.