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387 - How to Gain Self-Worth and Stop Comparing Part 1

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What’s self-worth?

“A feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect.”

-Merriam-Webster

Self-worth, which is sometimes used interchangeably with self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-value, is something that most of us struggle with at least from time to time if not more often. Some are open about their struggles with having a good sense of self-worth, and others have a difficult time expressing it, but studies show that by and large, many people have problems with self-worth.

According to Positive Psychology, the top 5 factors most people use to measure their self-worth and compare it to others’ are:

  1. Appearance.

  2. Net worth.

  3. Social circle.

  4. Career.

  5. Achievements.

Self-worth and relationships

To understand how self-worth can affect relationships, sometimes it’s easier to know the possible causes of low-self-worth:

  • Negative experiences in early childhood.

  • Negative core beliefs.

  • Stressful life events.

In addition to affecting relationships, low self-worth can also come with the following effects:

  • Problems at work or school.

  • Becoming very upset when criticized and withdrawing from other people and activities.

  • Avoiding anything where you may be judged or measured against other people.

  • Either not looking after your appearance or overcompensating by always being perfectly groomed.

  • Possible depression and anxiety, eating disorders, social phobia, attention deficit disorder, and substance abuse.

Some of the specific effects that low self-worth can have on relationships are:

  • Feeling like your self-worth is tied up in your relationships. 

  • Feeling as though the state of your relationship directly affects how you feel about yourself. 

  • Not feeling as though you are worthy of your partner’s love.

  • Alternatively, sometimes feeling that only thing that makes you worthy of love is that you have someone who cares about you. 

Building better self-worth

Some tips from the Goodwall Blog on building self-esteem:

  1. Identify Negative Thought Patterns

    • Once identified, begin acknowledging when and where maladaptive thoughts arise. 

    • When these automatic thoughts pop up, start thinking about the why behind them. 

  2. Start questioning your assumptions and gather evidence against your biases.

  3. Start performing a cost-benefit analysis of your negative thoughts.

  4. Switch negative thoughts for positive ones.

  5. Keep a journal of your thoughts and progress. 

  6. Look at your relationships.

    • If you have friends who nit-pick everything you say and make you feel poorly about yourself, it might be time to broaden your horizons.

  7. Take the advice you give to others.

    • Practice self-compassion. Recognize that you are human. Use emotions and thoughts as data. Stop black-and-white thinking.

  8. Take hints from those around you. 

    • Find people you trust and respect, and take note of how they respond to challenging situations or negative feedback.

  9. Say ‘no’ when you need to.

  10. Avoid “must” and “should” statements.

    • “Must” and “should” statements lock you into black-and-white thinking. You are likely placing unreasonable demands and expectations on yourself.

  11. Implement self-care routines.

  12. Talk to a therapist.

Stay tuned for next week, when we’ll talk about an exercise on finding your strengths that can help with self-worth and comparison!

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