How to stop comparing

This part of our series focuses on the comparison aspect. We’re discussing a bunch of research on comparison, how it can come up in non-monogamy, and both how to stop comparing yourself to others and how to stop comparing your relationship to others’.

If you’re comparing your relationship to other people’s relationships, start enriching your own instead:

• Remember that no one really knows what goes on between two people except them. 

• Recognize that people’s idea of the perfect relationship may be very different from your own.

• Quit comparing your present significant other to past partners, your best friend’s relationship or the prince (or princess) charming you dream of.

Instead:

• Remind yourself of the things you love about your partner. 

• Take responsibility for your own role when things aren’t as sweet as you’d like. You can’t make your partner be different, but changes in your own behavior can and do set something different in motion. 

• Reach out and touch your partner, regularly and often. Touch says as much, sometimes more, than words.

If you’re having trouble comparing yourself to others, remember:

• Be aware of your triggers and avoid them.

• Limit your time on social media.

• Stop comparing other people’s “outsides” to your own “insides.” 

• Money doesn’t buy happiness.

• Practice gratitude. 

• Comparison can be used as motivation. 

• Focus on your strengths. 

• Celebrate other people.

• Remember that insecurities are universal.

• Use your past self as a benchmark for comparison.

Try this exercise on exploring your strengths if you’re having trouble focusing on your strengths!