What is stress?

Stress is a normal human reaction, and can even be healthy (remember our episode on good stress, or eustress?). Our bodies are designed to process stress by providing physical and mental reactions to it, and these help our bodies adjust to new situations. When the body stays in a state of stress even during downtime or periods of rest, then it can become a problem. Chronic stress and continued activation of stress responses can cause wear and tear on the body.

Stress may manifest as:

• Physical symptoms: Aches and pains, chest pain, racing heart, exhaustion or trouble sleeping, headaches, dizziness or shaking, high blood pressure, muscle tension or jaw clenching, stomach or digestive problems, trouble having sex, weak immune system.

• Emotional and mental symptoms: Anxiety or irritability, depression, panic attacks, sadness.

Chronic stress is:

• Ongoing and may be similar to chronic pain or chronic illness. Chronic stress might increase or decrease in severity but is a relatively consistent presence in one’s life. 

• Can be due to any number of things, from an unhealthy relationship, to a job that is burdensome and leaves you overworked daily.

• Can be ongoing situations such as poverty, health inequity, racism, etc. but because these stressors aren’t only external, but structural or systemic, typical stress management could be helpful, but might not work entirely.

• Common symptoms of chronic stress include: isolation or emotional withdrawal, low energy, aches and pains, trouble sleeping, trouble staying focused, change in appetite.

Acute stress:

• Happens at a particular time or event and is isolated to that incident. Examples might be having a near-miss car accident, or when you’re preparing for an important presentation at work.

• Common symptoms of acute stress include: heart palpitations, shortness of breath, feeling lightheaded, headaches, stomach pain or indigestion, sweating, chest pain.

• Body and nervous system are equipped to handle this kind of stress.

Stress and relationships

Stress can manifest in relationships in a variety of ways, such as:

• The person who is stressed becomes more withdrawn and distracted, and less affectionate. 

• The person who is stressed has less time for leisure activities, which leads to alienation between partners. 

• Stress can bring out people’s worst traits, which may lead their partners to withdraw as well. 

• Stress depletes people, sapping their cognitive resources. 

• Stress increases vigilance. This means when you are stressed you are more likely to notice negative behaviors and less able to stop yourself from reacting badly to them. 

• Stress also makes people more irritable and hostile, which increases the likelihood of fighting. When fighting, stress may make people less able to listen or show interest and empathy. In short, stress turns non-issues into issues and prevents your ability to deal with the issue constructively.

• Stress affects our physical and mental health and places additional strain on the relationship.

Dealing with stress

Some tactics for dealing with stress if you are the one experiencing a lot of it are:

• Journaling.

• Download an app that provides relaxation exercises (such as deep breathing or visualization) or tips for practicing mindfulness, which is a psychological process of actively paying attention to the present moment.

• Exercise, and make sure you are eating healthy, regular meals.

• Stick to a sleep routine, and make sure you are getting enough sleep.

• Avoid drinking excess caffeine such as soft drinks or coffee.

• Identify and challenge your negative and unhelpful thoughts.

• Reach out to your friends or family members who help you cope in a positive way.

• Try to focus on the things that are in your power to change.

• Try therapy and/or medication.

If your partner is the one experiencing a lot of stress, then some tactics to help support them are:

• Talk to your partner, both about the stress and about life generally.

• Support each other: be responsive when your partner talks about their stress, provide your partner with instrumental (taking care of household chores) and emotional (listening to them complain) support, and ask for support when you need it. 

• Make time for positive moments.

• Help your partner take care of themself by supporting them in getting enough sleep, exercise, and healthy meals. Sometimes this might mean spending more time away from your partner or less time together in general, but that can be a positive thing if the time you do spend with each other has higher quality.

• Work together to find creative solutions. See if you can come up with ways to fix your situation to alleviate some of your stress or find ways to effectively prevent it from hurting your relationship.