The final 24

The final part of our series on handling jealousy also has two categories of tools: ones for your relationships and ones for your heart and soul.

Relationships

Sometimes jealousy and envy are a warning sign that there is something going wrong in the relationship or something missing. But do remember that humans are social creatures and did not evolve to be alone or handle big, scary feelings on our own. These tools for your relationships include:

1. Journal prompt: What are you longing for from your partner? Or from your life? - This can help to reveal what may be missing. It doesn’t mean that something is necessarily wrong, but can give some clues about what you might be yearning for in general.

2. Pay it forward.

3. Friend at the ready - Enroll a friend for support ahead of time. You can have them “poor baby” you, but be explicit with the Triforce.

4. Make social plans - Connect with other partners, friends, family.

5. Connect to community - online or offline. Be picky about community though. Certain gigantic online FB groups are less than sympathetic if you’re going through a rough time. 

6. The stash.

Heart and soul

We get a little more “woo-woo” with tools for your heart and soul. “Heart and soul” is a little bit of a catchall for the tools that don’t fit into the other categories. These are the deeper, more philosophical tools that often have to do with changing the meaning we attribute to jealousy. These ones are very much take it or leave it; for some people these will really resonate, and for others they will be hokey and fall flat.

They include:

1. Spend time in nature - A 2016 study published in Scientific Reports found that a visit to a green space anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour and 15 minutes significantly reduced depression and high blood pressure.  

   • Found that these benefits were consistent if you hit at least a 30 minute visit within the course of a week. 

2. Reconnect to your philosophy and values - Read non-monogamy books, follow creators, find content that inspires you and gives you hope.

3. Find your anchor - Callback to Lola Phoenix during episode 378. Remember your reasons for being in the relationship, for choosing this particular type of relationship, etc; reconnect with your why. 

4. Gratitude list - You can list out what in your life or in your relationships you are grateful for. Again, caveat: This works great for some folks, and some people aren’t really able to connect with this. 

5. Meditation - Caveat: If your experience of jealousy is a very active spiraling brain or an extremely upset body, jumping straight into meditation if you’re not already an experienced meditator may not be very effective. Find the meditation approach that works for you: use apps, go to groups, establish a practice outside of the moments that you are feeling distressed.