Rituals combat anxiety

Humans thrive on stability and predictability, but when our relationships fall into repetition and complacency, it can be unhealthy for us. We simultaneously love both stability and novelty, and in our relationships and our lives, we want to feel safe.

Rituals are one of the ways we can enhance and benefit our relationships, as they tend to reduce anxiety and increase overall quality of our lives and our connections. Many performers, actors, and athletes have shared over the years the different rituals they take part in before big events, and quite a bit of research also supports that rituals help reduce anxiety. They also help us feel closer to others, can combat uncertainty, and help us cope with loss.

Regarding rituals:

• They can be as common as having a set day/night for dates, eating dinner together, or celebrating important dates together.

• They do not have to include major, life-affecting changes.

• Some examples according to the Gottman Institute are:

  • Eat meals together without screens. Even though it may not be possible every day, incorporate meals without phones or the TV into your routine. 

  • Have a 30-minute check-in every day. Take turns actively listening and having conversation about the day.

  • Exercise together. Schedule weekly or routine walks, hikes, etc. Encourage each other to take care of themselves. Try new classes or activities. 

  • Share a daily 6-second kiss. Hand-holding, cuddling, and other physical intimacy can help increase oxytocin production and deepen feelings of connection. 

  • Regular dating. Go on frequent dates, tell each other jokes, watch funny movies, and make a point to share experiences with each other.

• If you need to, some ways to make a ritual more meaningful are:

  • First, just think of it as a ritual or tradition. The mental shift makes a difference.

  • Have set movements or words involved.

  • Give it some kind of symbolic meaning.

  • Feel free to change things over time to suit you; don’t force yourselves into a ritual that doesn’t feel right for you.