Why would you want to be out at work?

Some may have a hard time understanding why one might want to be out as non-monogamous at work. Why could being out as non-monogamous be important to someone?

1. Logistical reasons

   • Often people discuss family dynamics or significant others at work and taken into consideration when planning events, travel schedules, time off, understanding benefits options, bringing guests to company parties, etc.

   • Non-monogamous people often end up needing to choose between either picking one partner who becomes the presumed-monogamous “serious” partner, or they must treat all of their relationships as “friendships” or “dating” relationships, which means that none are taken seriously or considered (and often they will face personal questions about them).

2. Personal reasons

   • The mental and emotional freedom that comes from not needing to keep track of which white lies they’ve told, or which partners each person knows about. Being able to mention partners in conversation without worrying and without hiding a significant part of oneself can feel incredibly liberating.

3. Societal reasons

   • It is a step towards making our entire culture more accepting and open.

Risk assessment for coming out at work

Some of the risks of coming out as non-monogamous at work include:

1. Non-monogamy is not a protected class when it comes to housing or employment discrimination.

2. Wrongful termination is incredibly difficult to prove, even if one is a protected class.

If you’re thinking about coming out, examine these key elements to see if it’s the right choice for you:

• Safety/security:

  • “Could I survive without this job? How badly do I need this job?”

  • “Do I know anyone else who is out at work in my company or in my city? How has their experience been?”

  • “What is my company culture like? How realistic do I think it is that people discriminate against me?”

  • “Do I think there is a legitimate physical danger if I came out? Am I ok with that risk?”

  • “Will this affect anyone else’s safety? Children, partners, coworkers, etc.?”

  • Check your employment contract for a “morality clause” and if it exists, check with a lawyer about the specifics of that.

• Reasons (which may help you gain clarity about why you want to come out):

  • “Why do I want to come out? Is there a particular reason or a particular person?”

  • “Is it about the mental effort of keeping secrets and keeping things hidden?”

  • “Is it to help create more awareness for others?”

  • “Is it just because I’m excited about discovering non-monogamy?”

Coming out is very personal and no one but you can decide if it’s the right choice for you. Stay tuned for part 2 of this series!