The pros and cons of marriage

Marriage is often disparaged in the non-monogamous community, but it does have its perks. On the other hand, how necessary is marriage really? We’ll be exploring some of the pros and cons of marriage in this episode.

The case for marriage

• Financial reasons:

  • Possibility of a lower tax rate with combined incomes, higher standard deductions.

  • Combined incomes = more spending power and more opportunities.

  • A married couple can give away twice as much money as single taxpayers without triggering federal gift and estate taxes.

  • Married couples have high standard deductions on their taxes.

  • Higher spousal IRA contributions - spouses can contribute to each other’s IRAs if one of them is not earning a paycheck.

  • If you own a home with your spouse, you may be able to pocket more of the proceeds from the sale of your property — up to twice as much. Personal residence exemption from the gain of the sale.

  • You can qualify for your spouse’s social security benefits if you don’t have a job when you turn 62.

• Relational reasons:

  • Among married and cohabiting adults, love is cited more than any other reason for why they decided to get married or to move in with their partner: 90% of those who are married and 73% of those living with a partner say love was a major factor in their decision. Majorities in both groups also cite companionship as a major reason why they decided to get married (66%) or to move in with their partner (61%), and 63% of those who are married say they wanted to make a formal commitment.

  • Married people are seen as more “adult” by their peers and family members. 

  • Often a spouse is seen as another family member rather than someone who the person is just dating. Plus ones and invitations to family gatherings are more likely to be extended to a spouse. 

  • Things like religion and other value systems may be a reason why many people choose to get married.

• Practical reasons:

  • Raising children with a partner is simply easier than raising a child alone (of course if there are more than two adults, this is even better).

  • Marriage generally allows for more financial stability than being single. 

  • Generally there are many more benefits for spouses when it comes to things like health insurance. Some people genuinely need access to good health insurance and wouldn’t have it unless they were married. Leave benefits are also awarded if your spouse is ill or if someone in their family passes away.

  • Spouses get legal decision making benefits as next of kin, power of attorney, etc. If you or your spouse is ill, it is much easier to be able to see them in a hospital than if you were just a friend or not married. 

  • Finally there are many many research studies out there that say there are health benefits to being married. We don’t always take those at 100% face value, but there is something to be said for the data that being in a committed, long-term relationship contributes to some people living longer and being happier than their single counterparts.

The case against marriage

• You can do most of the things married people get to do without ever needing to get married like have kids, live together, and even entangle finances and health insurance. 

• Divorce rates continue to stay around 40-50% and getting divorced is difficult and costly, no matter how amicable it is. 

• Marriage still isn’t legal for queer people in many, many countries so it may not even be an option where you live. Additionally, there is even an ever increasing threat to gay marriage in the United States. 

• Marriage is rooted in patriarchal and heteronormative institutions, making it unappealing for many people. 

• People get into marriage without looking at divorce laws - entering into a legal contract that they haven’t fully understood.

• If you are non-monogamous, marriage may not be something you want to partake in. We know of many non-monogamous individuals who are married and have chosen to divorce to make their relationship less intrinsically hierarchical. Marriage and benefits still only are available to one person at a time in the United States. 

• The vast majority of Americans think it’s acceptable for an unmarried couple to live together. Most Americans (69%) say cohabitation is acceptable even if the couple doesn’t plan to get married, while another 16% say it’s acceptable, but only if the couple plans to marry; 14% say this is never acceptable.

• While many Americans see societal benefits in marriage generally, when asked specifically about raising children, a majority (59%) says that couples who are living together but not married can raise children just as well as married couples. Four-in-ten say married couples do a better job of raising children than couples living together but not married.

• More practical reasons come into play to a greater degree for cohabiting adults than for those who are married. About four-in-ten cohabiting adults say moving in with their partner made sense financially (38% say this was a major reason why they decided to move in together) or that it was convenient (37%). Far smaller shares of married adults.