Welcome back, Damona!

We’re so happy to have Damona Hoffman back on the show! Damona is the Resident Love Expert of The Drew Barrymore Show and OkCupid's Official Dating Coach. Damona is the host of the long-running podcast Dates & Mates, which has just begun airing its 10th season. She is also an advice columnist for the LA Times and a writer on dating and relationships for the Washington Post. Damona can frequently be seen on Access Daily sharing the latest dating news.

During this episode, we discuss Damona’s upcoming book, F the Fairytale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story. Some of the topics Damona covers with us today are:

1. Your book is based around what you identify as 4 major myths that complicate the dating process and can hold us back from finding success. We’re gonna break down those myths shortly, but before we do, is there one single piece of bad dating advice out there that gets under your skin and you just wish would go away?
   The relationship myths:
   The List Myth: Having a rigid list of desired qualities that a partner must meet.

   The Rules Myth: Thinking there is a formula or game to winning at love.

   The Chemistry Myth: Believing you need an immediate spark for a relationship to work.

   The Soulmate Myth: Believing there is one perfect match out there for you.

2. You talk about the concept of “slow love,” or really taking your time to get to know someone in the early phases of dating. We’ve talked a lot about NRE on our show, and we’ve had a lot of listeners write into us asking about how to manage NRE, when to listen to those feelings vs when to be cautious. How do you recommend people pump the brakes and go slowly when they’re feeling that rush? How does one do that in a way that doesn’t feel arbitrary?

3. You talk about the importance of shared values over chasing chemistry - can you expand on that?

4. What is a “dating samskara?”

5. Right now, there’s a lot of pessimism (hetero-pessimism in particular) about dating. What do you think contributes to people having such a miserable time? 

6. What’s your take on listing STI status on one’s dating profile?

Order your copy of Damona’s book here and be sure to check out her podcast as well if you haven’t already!