Throwback to 2018!

During this episode, we go over three different communication tools that are powerful tools for any relationship. Even simply being aware of them can be helpful! We last covered these in 2018, and they have continued to be helpful tools for all of us. Microscripts even has its own chapter in our book!

Switchtracking

Switchtracking is when a conversation starts on one track but changes to an entirely different track due to an emotional reaction or feedback. It is usually unintentional, and causes people to talk past each other without resolving issues. Switchtracking can happen in all sorts of contexts and hierarchical relationships as well, such as a boss and a subordinate.

To avoid switchtracking, consider:

• Practice mindfulness and being present in the moment.

• Recognize cognitive biases in oneself and one's partner.

• Compartmentalize different issues and address them logically.

• Focus on the positive motives of your partner.

Bids

Bids are any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or positive connection. Research has shown that couples who stayed married after six years reacted positively to each other's bids around 86% of the time, while divorced couples averaged only 33% positive reactions.

There are both verbal and nonverbal bids, and accepting them whenever possible or at least acknowledging them if you’re unable to immediately engage can help strengthen a relationship.

Taking some time to consider timing and your partner’s receptiveness (i.e. don’t disturb them when they’re focused if historically they don’t react well to that), and if you have to turn down a bid or even if you just don’t want to take it, offering a positive reaction while doing so is also a good idea.

Microscripts

Microscripts are a codified way to communicate that transcends emotions, using a short phrase to sum up a lot of meaning. They can be especially helpful for repetitive communication breakdowns or arguments, but they also require a certain amount of self-awareness and “us vs. the problem” mentality.

Some examples might include:

• “Ready!” or “Listo!” to acknowledge a request for help, even if you’re not excited about the task.

• "Why, thank you" as a way to accept a compliment graciously, even if you’re not feeling it.

•  "Woof, woof" to indicate excitement rather than stress when processing ideas out loud.

• "Thank you for your honesty" to acknowledge and appreciate a partner's vulnerability, even if you’re needing time to process emotions.