Today we're excited to be sharing an episode with Eli Finkel and Paul Eastwick of the Love Factually podcast! We're critiquing Vicky Cristina Barcelona's portrayal of non-monogamy and discussing the film as a whole.

Eli Finkel is a professor at Northwestern University, with appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management. He also serves as a founding co-director of the Litowitz Center for Enlightened Disagreement and as the Morton O. Schapiro Fellow at the Institute for Policy Research. His research topics range from marriage to political partisanship. He is the author of The All-or-Nothing Marriage, a co-host of the Love Factually podcast, and a guest essayist for The New York Times. The Economist declared him “one of the leading lights in the realm of relationship psychology.”

Paul Eastwick is a Professor of Psychology at UC Davis and the author of the book "Bonded by Evolution" that offers an exciting new look at the science of attraction and compatibility.

Along with Eli Finkel, he hosts the podcast Love Factually where they analyze rom-coms and romantic dramas from the perspective of relationship science.

Today we're talking about milestones in relationships, and how to build commitment when you're actively trying not to stay on the relationship escalator. We'll be discussing traditional milestones, why they're valued, how relationship milestones with one partner can affect other partners, and some of the research around jealousy and envy in these situations. We will also dive into some non-escalator milestones that you can consider for non-monogamous, escalator-free relationships, and going into the takeaways from the discussion at the end of the episode.

Today we're diving into a question from one of our listeners about partners who recently left monogamy and are still adjusting to stepping off of the relationship escalator.

If you want one of your questions answered on a future Q&A episode, consider becoming a Supercast subscriber.

This week we're featuring an episode from our friends Emma and Fin at Normalizing Non-Monogamy with guests Gary Ware and our own Jase Lindgren! Emma, Fin, Gary, and Jase talk about play during this interview, how important it is for our health and wellbeing, and how to frame play as resistance in times of geopolitical upheaval.

Be sure to check out Normalizing Non-Monogamy's other episodes and take a look at Breakthrough Play at https://www.breakthroughplay.com/ to learn more about Gary! Check out the upcoming events to learn more about Relationship Recess happening in May.

Today we're tackling a concept that's on a lot of people's minds lately: burnout. Specifically, we'll be discussing dating burnout and fatigue, which seem to be rife on social media, dating apps, articles, what have you. We'll be diving into what the data says about the increase in dating apps, how it's creating fatigue across the dating community, and whether meeting online or organically is better. Lastly, we'll be deciding if we're doomed when it comes to dating, or are there actionable takeaways we can use to improve our dating experiences?

The research used in this episode can be found here:

https://medium.com/@metbynick/the-burnout-epidemic-how-dating-apps-are-adding-fuel-to-an-already-raging-fire-9f2d4a1555e8

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/31/well/mind/burnout-online-dating-apps.html

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years/

https://screenshot-media.com/the-future/dating/couples-meet-online-less-happy/

https://www.vogue.com/article/is-having-a-boyfriend-embarrassing-now

Today we're talking about time, both quality and quantity of it, and what to do if you and your partner end up clashing over it. We're going to discuss some research about shared time together as well as some of the different types of time you could be lacking in your relationship. Whether you're dating someone busy or you're the one who struggles finding time for a partner, we'll have actionable tips about what to do and not do when having conflicts about time together.

Here's a handy PDF Guide for this episode: What Type of Time Are You Craving?

If you'd like the PDF guide for this episode and you're not a subscriber yet, please join our community to enjoy bonuses like these, as well as ad-free episodes and early releases.

Today we're answering a question about toxic individuality, inspired by a post about not being able to share certain things with a partner. We'll touch on the idea of how much is too much information to share with partners about each other, managing compulsory non-monogamous baggage, and more.

If you want a question answered on a future episode, consider joining our Supercast community!

Today we're diving into one of our favorite things - data! We're excited to welcome Sy Dusk and Alexandra Kilpatrick from Feeld. Sy is a data analyst and Alexandra is the head of UX research at Feeld, and both of them helped analyze our co-sponsored research survey on non-monogamy (find the study here). We'll be exploring what the data says about how non-monogamous folks date, what labels mean or don't mean, how polycules are configured, and some of the challenges facing our community.

Find Feeld's data blog here!

Sy Dusk uses data to shine a light on the nuances of desire, identity, and culture. They specialize in sexuality, relationships, and dating. Sy is currently a data analyst at Feeld working on creating an unparalleled experience for non-monogamous daters.

Alexandra Kilpatrick is the Head of UXR at Feeld, where she has worked for the past year and a half. She has an academic background in Digital Anthropology, and prior to Feeld, researched identity information in virtual worlds such as the Metaverse. Often collaborating with academics, her work brings big-picture cultural insight into how people date, connect, and explore sexuality. She cares deeply about the duty of care for members and about conducting research ethically, responsibly, and with genuine respect for the communities Feeld serves.

Today we're excited to be joined by Brett Chamberlin and Dr. Amy Moors to discuss the recent results of the largest non-monogamy survey done to date.

Brett Chamberlin (he/him) is the Founder & Executive Director of OPEN, a grassroots nonprofit advancing legal rights and cultural acceptance for non-monogamy. Under his leadership, OPEN has passed landmark non-discrimination protections in multiple cities and established itself as a leading voice in the rapidly growing movement for relationship freedom.

A repeat nonprofit founder with over a decade of movement-building experience, Brett has led global grassroots campaigns reaching millions, including for the Emmy-winning documentary film "The Story of Plastic." His work has been featured in The New York Times, NPR, CNN, and NBC.

Dr. Amy C. Moors is an Assistant Professor of Psychology and Faculty Affiliate in Engineering at Chapman University. She serves as a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University and the founding co-chair of the American Psychological Association’s Division 44 Committee on Consensual Non-Monogamy. Dr. Moors has published more than 60 journal articles and dozens of educational materials on topics related to sexuality and consensual non-monogamy. Dr. Moors has received several awards for her pioneering research on polyamorous, swinging, and other forms of consensually non-monogamous relationships, including the Kenneth R. Haslam, MD, Relationship Diversity Research Award and the Distinguished Professional Contribution Award from the American Psychological Association Division 44.

Find Dr. Moors on social media @professormoors, and find more about OPEN and Brett at www.open-love.org.

Today we're tackling a listener question from one of our Supercast supporters. We'll be discussing in depth how to help regulate yourself when your partner goes on dates, even if you have a solid self care plan in place.

If you want one of your questions answered on a future Q&A episode, consider becoming a Supercast subscriber!

This week, we're sharing a remastered version of an episode that aired back in 2023. This is the episode to share with parents, family, or other loved ones when you've come out as non-monogamous to them.

For those who've had a loved one come out recently as non-monogamous, polyamorous, or relationship anarchist, this episode is for you! Maybe you’re feeling confused. Maybe you’re feeling scared for their well being. Maybe you’ve never even heard the term polyamorous or non-monogamous until this very moment! Today we are going to be going back to the basics for all you out there who may be super new to the concept of polyamory, some tactics for how to react to your loved one’s revelation, and what you can expect for the future.

Some resources we discuss in this episode are:

When Someone You Love is Polyamorous by Dr. Elisabeth Sheff

Information on Polyamory by Dr. Elisabeth Sheff

Libby Sinback's Podcast about Coming Out to Parents

Helpful Terms and Information about Polyamory

Resources For Those Coming Out

More Information about Coming Out as Non-Monogamous

We're excited to invite Stacey McLarty to the show as our guest today!

Stacey is a Texas attorney who supports individuals and chosen families through affirming, wholistic legal services. She combines two decades of legal experience with her own lived experience in the non-monogamy, kink, and burner communities. She regularly leads workshops on legal and relationship topics and is currently writing legal guides for non-monogamous and kinky folks. Stacey serves on the board of OPEN—the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy—advocating for visibility and legal recognition. Her practice reflects her belief that all consenting adults deserve the freedom to define love, family, and commitment on their own terms.

Visit https://chosenfamilylawtx.com/ for more information about legal help for chosen family in Texas.

Happy New Year to you all! For our first episode of the new year, we bring you a remastered version of an older episode from back in 2016 about five mistakes newbies make in polyamory. Our initial list of newbie mistakes focused more on structural things, while responses from listeners on our recent Instagram story showed a deeper emphasis on internal work, communication nuances, and the psychological aspects of polyamory.

Based on this input, we've put together a new list of newbie mistakes, grouped into categories to cover both new and old ones, and we also discuss how we can all do better in our non-monogamous practices.

Today we're tackling two listener questions about being solo polyamorous and wanting a more entangled or anchored relationships, either with existing partners or while seeking such a relationship. We'll talk about the feasibility of escalating existing partnerships, as well as making time for deeper, more entwined relationships while still spending time with existing partners.

If you want your question answered on a future Q&A episode, consider joining our Supercast community!

We're covering the topic of loneliness in today's episode. In 2023, the U.S. Surgeon General declared loneliness a public health crisis, and the physical health risks associated with loneliness are indeed staggering. We're going to dive into why loneliness seems to be at an all time high, pick apart some nuance regarding gender, age, and loneliness, and in the third part of the episode, go over some actionable tools on how to tackle loneliness. We'll talk about rewiring the brain, cultivating solitude, and how to become a social architect.

Sources and news articles referenced in this episode can be found here:

U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on Loneliness and Isolation (2023)

https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

Pew Research Center: "Men, Women and Social Connections" (January 2025)

https://www.pewresearch.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/20/2025/01/ST_2024.1.16_social-connections_REPORT.pdf

Mindfulness training reduces loneliness and increases social contact in a randomized controlled trial

https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1813588116

CDC: "Social Connection and Mental Health..." (Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System, 2022 data)

https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/73/wr/mm7324a1.htm

AIBM: "Male Loneliness and Isolation: What the Data Shows"

https://aibm.org/research/male-loneliness-and-isolation-what-the-data-shows/

Psypost: "Massive meta-analysis finds loneliness has increased in emerging adults in the last 43 years" (Report on Buecker et al. study, 1976-2019)

https://www.psypost.org/massive-meta-analysis-finds-loneliness-has-increased-in-emerging-adults-in-the-last-43-years/

University of Michigan: "Loneliness and isolation back to pre-pandemic levels, but still high for older adults" (National Poll on Healthy Aging)

https://ihpi.umich.edu/news-events/news/loneliness-and-isolation-back-pre-pandemic-levels-still-high-older-adults

ResearchGate: "Gender Differences in Loneliness" (Borys & Perlman, 1985 study)

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/258180577_Gender_Differences_in_Loneliness

European Association of Personality Psychology: "Gender differences in loneliness across the lifespan: A meta-analysis"

https://www.earaonline.org/gender-differences-in-loneliness-across-the-lifespan-a-meta-analysis/

Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health: "Loneliness is hurting our health, but these policies could help"

https://hsph.harvard.edu/news/loneliness-is-hurting-our-health-but-these-policies-could-help/

Our World in Data: "Social connections and loneliness"

https://ourworldindata.org/social-connections-and-loneliness

JEC Senate Report: "All the Lonely Americans"

https://www.jec.senate.gov/public/index.cfm/republicans/2018/8/all-the-lonely-americans

Aspen Valley Hospital: "Loneliness in Men"

https://aspenvalleyhealth.org/healthy-journey/loneliness-in-men/

Stanford Clayman Institute for Gender Research: "Men's loneliness is a feminist issue"

https://gender.stanford.edu/news/mens-loneliness-feminist-issue-men-without-men

Psychology Today: "The Practice That Can Ease Loneliness"

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-influence/202202/the-practice-can-ease-loneliness

Congress for the New Urbanism: "Fighting loneliness through community design"

https://www.cnu.org/publicsquare/2024/01/04/fighting-loneliness-through-community-design

Campaign to End Loneliness: "Tackling loneliness through the built environment"

https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/wp-content/uploads/CEL-Tackling-loneliness-through-the-built-environment-Final.pdf

American Psychiatric Association: "New APA Poll: One in Three Americans Feels Lonely..." (Mentions 5-for-5 Challenge)

https://www.psychiatry.org/news-room/apa-blogs/how-to-reduce-loneliness

Today we're bringing back a remastered episode from way back in the day. We're going to be revisiting our first episode about jealousy, diving into the science behind it, why we feel it in certain situations, what's happening inside our bodies, and some tips on how to manage struggling with jealousy. We'll also be sharing a discussion about evolutionary psychology that previously was exclusive to our Patreon community.

Today we're exploring rejection, specifically sexual rejection, and how it can affect our relationships. We'll first get into rejection itself and bids for connection, then discuss why we struggle with this. We'll go over Emily Nagoski's Dual Control model, and lastly, we'll talk about how to become pros at receiving no.

Today we're tackling a listener question about sharing information within polyamorous relationships. We'll be talking about how much information is okay to share in relationships and how to make sharing it easier so everyone involved retains their autonomy.

2024 study by Dr. Sharon M. Flicker

If you want your question answered on a future Q&A episode, consider joining our exclusive community!

We're thrilled to be welcoming back Brian G. Murphy as a guest to the show!

Brian is an organizer, author, and certified relationship coach helping LGBTQ+ and polyamorous people build thriving relationships on their own terms... without shame or "should"s.

Brian is also co-founder of QueerTheology.com, a resource hub, podcast, and online community, which explores how queerness and spirituality enrich one another.

He has spoken at colleges, congregations, and conferences across the country and his work has been featured in Vice, BuzzFeed, The Huffington Post, The Advocate, Upworthy, and NBC News.

Brian is the author of Love Beyond Monogamy, and co-author of Queers The Word and Reading The Bible Through Queer Eyes.

Throughout this episode, we'll be chatting with Brian about spirituality, rituals, and sacred texts, all through a queer and polyamorous lens.

Find Brian on Instagram, YouTube, and Threads @thisisbgm and be sure to check out Queer Theology and his books, all of which can be found at queertheology.com.

Today we're talking about polyamory under duress (PUD). Being non-monogamous comes with its own set of challenges, and sometimes when external pressure or internal conflicts can make it even more stressful. Dealing with polyamory under duress can be very difficult for our mental and emotional wellbeing, so today we're going to discuss why someone might be feeling duress in polyamory and who might be vulnerable to it.

We'll also talk about how to recognize if you might be in a situation that qualifies as polyamory under duress, whether persuasion or coercion is involved in PUD, and how to bring a sense of equilibrium back to the relationship if you think it might resemble a PUD situation.

From Nonmonogamy Help by Lola Phoenix: Polyamory Under Duress