Why do we stalk our exes’ social media?

Digital self harm: This refers to any behavior that encourages direct or indirect injury to oneself that's accomplished via an online or a digital medium. This can sometimes be a cry for help or support, or proving to oneself that they can take a punch, so to speak, or for cathartic reasons.

Tara C. Marshall, a researcher for the JIARR, theorized that Facebook stalking can possibly obstruct the natural process of getting over an ex. The behavior of digitally stalking an ex is also associated with greater distress over the breakup, protracted longing for an ex-partner, more negative feelings but also more sexual desire for the ex, and lower personal growth.

Additionally, one her Tara C. Marshall’s studies also found that those with an anxious attachment style might be more prone to things like low self-esteem, fear of rejection, and potentially greater jealousy in relationships, and are possibly more likely to Facebook stalk both current and ex-partners.

Cyberstalking counter-spells

1. Compassion: Recognizing that letting go is a process and not beating yourself up about it when you feel sad or attached to your ex can go a long way to helping you heal. If going back to your ex’s social media is part of your letting go process, then let it happen.

2. Identify your triggers: Figuring out what sends you down the rabbit hole of your ex’s social media can help you avoid doing so, or at least make you cognizant of why you’re doing it at that point in time.

3. Disrupt the behavior: This can be done either by putting something between yourself and your ex’s social media to stop you from continuing to engage the behavior, or by quickly diverting your attention when you notice you’re engaging, such as with a video game, or a puzzle.

4. Be bored: Detoxing from social media or just allowing yourself to be bored instead of checking your phone is healthy behavior to engage in and can help you get back on track. Make yourself put some work into going onto social media, like deleting the app from your phone or something similar.

5. Get your thoughts and feelings outside of yourself: This can be accomplished through journaling, talking with a therapist, posting to an online forum, or something similar. Getting your thoughts out of your brain can help you process more effectively and work through your emotions in a healthy way.

6. Fill the space between your ears: Engage in something that just makes you feel good, whether that’s watching videos of puppies and kittens, or going for a run, or reading positive fiction. Engaging in feel-good behavior contributes to your own mood as well as distracting you from unhealthy behavior.