408 - When Work Gets in the Way of Relationships
Why talk about work?
The reality is, capitalism makes work a large part of most of our lives. Many of us work too much, have had partners whose work or attitudes about work have affected the relationship, had recurring arguments with a partner about work, etc. It affects a huge part of our lives, and so it’s important to acknowledge how work can influence our relationships.
A few of the different ways work might affect relationships:
Income (both the amount and its consistency or stability).
Time flexibility (wage worker versus salaried).
Presence/absence of vacation time, sick leave, parental leave, etc.
Who sacrifices work to care for children, aging family members, etc.
Views on “external” work versus the work of domestic labor.
Cultural attitudes towards work.
Liking/disliking one’s work.
Work effort/effort spectrum.
Workaholic behavior and relationships
Some ways people can be cognizant about how behavior might be affecting relationships:
Although no documented treatment for workaholism exists, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) can help with obsessive behaviors/behavioral addictions.
Self-reflect on your working habits:
Does this behavior seem like work engagement and passion for what I do? Or does it feel compulsive and fear-based?
Discuss with your partner(s):
How do you feel about your work?
What does your work mean to you?
How would you spend your time if money were no object and you didn’t have to work?
How do you imagine your work changing in the future?
if there is an issue with your partner’s approach to work:
what are you longing for from your partner?
What does your partner’s behavior mean to you?
Share with each other what the other person contributes to the relationship.
Whenever discussing work with a partner, take great care to not minimize their work stress.
Be willing to have real conversations about how each person’s different working situation, income situation, etc. impact their lives and relationships.