Welcome back, Dr. Marie Thouin!

Marie Thouin is back today to discuss compersion and her new book with us. Dr. Marie Thouin is a Mindful Dating & Relationship Coach who supports people of all backgrounds and relational orientations to create intentional and vibrant love lives. She is a leading expert on the topic of compersion and the author of the groundbreaking book, "What is Compersion? Understanding Positive Empathy in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships.” Marie has published seminal research studies, the first-ever encyclopedia entry on compersion, and is the creator of www.WhatIsCompersion.com, a popular website that features her research, blogs, and other resources on compersion. She has been featured in several magazines and podcasts, including ELLE, the Savage Lovecast, and Multiamory.

The questions Marie tackles today are:

1. You were responsible for getting the first ever official encyclopedic entry for compersion, but can you also share if there are any competing definitions or controversy over your official definition?

2. Has anyone ever tried to convince you that compersion isn’t real?

3. A common misconception about compersion is that it’s the opposite of jealousy, but many people can attest that it is possible for someone to feel compersion and jealousy at the same time. You reference this idea of “non-mononormative jealousy” that leaves more room for the experience of compersion compared to “mononormative jealousy.” Can you explain this distinction?

4. One of our favorite reminders to give on this show is, “Don’t weaponize this shit.” It seems that, unfortunately, sometimes good concepts or tools can be used as a bludgeon in relationships. How have you seen people weaponize compersion?

5. You propose a “dual control model of compersion,” inspired by the dual control model of sexual response. In short, the idea that there are behaviors, mindsets, contexts, and environments that may push on the “gas pedal” towards sexual arousal, as well as those that may push on the “brake pedal” away from sexual arousal. In your estimation, does compersion work the same way? What factors step on the compersion gas pedal vs. the compersion brake pedal?

6. Does “erotic compersion” count as compersion?

7. You completed research on social positionality and how that may affect one’s experience compersion - can you share some of the highlights you found in your research? You found that some marginalized groups may actually be predisposed to experiencing compersion. This seems counterintuitive - can you elaborate? How does gender socialization play into ability to access compersion?

8. Has your research changed anything about how you show up in your own personal relationships?

9. What are you hoping to see next in this field? What are your burning questions that still remain? 

   Buy Marie’s book here!