Depression 101

Depression: A mental health disorder characterized by persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and loss of interest in activities.

According to the WHO in 2021, an estimated 280 million people worldwide struggle with depression. Some of the symptoms of depression include:

• Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness, or hopelessness.

• Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters.

• Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies, or sports.

• Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much.

• Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort.

• Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain.

• Anxiety, agitation, or restlessness.

• Slowed thinking, speaking, or body movements.

• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame.

• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions, and remembering things.

• Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts, or suicide.

• Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches.

Depression does not always have a specific cause, but it can be caused by situational things, such as financial problems, extremely high levels of stress, the death of a loved one, loneliness, or major life changes.

In a relationship, depression can manifest in different ways, like:

• Withdrawal and isolation from social interactions, including those with partners.

• Irritability and negative outlook, leading to more frequent arguments and communication difficulties.

• Decreased intimacy due to physical symptoms like fatigue and chronic pain.

• Cognitive symptoms include difficulty concentrating, indecisiveness, and negative thought patterns.

• These symptoms can lead to misunderstandings and hinder effective communication and conflict resolution.

Another term we discuss in today’s episode is high functioning depression. It has been popularized on social media recently, Some experts believe that the term comes from a lack of clarity surrounding persistent depressive disorder (PDD), or dysthymia, which is an ongoing form of depression. PDD is characterized by feeling depressed for at least two years with brief periods of up to two months of feeling good.

Challenges of depression

Untreated depression can negatively affect relationship satisfaction and stability as a result of isolation and withdrawal, low self-esteem, increased conflict, and/or physical symptoms. It can also create a cycle of negative outlook, constant need for reassurance, and partner frustration, which further deteriorates the relationship.

Being a supportive partner can be challenging as well. It can be difficult to set healthy boundaries in order to prevent conflicts and promote mutual respect. It’s hard not to try to fix your partner’s depression or take it personally. Self care for partners is vital in order to prevent burnout and maintain their own mental health.

The societal stigma surrounding depression can also hinder open communication and help-seeking in relationships. Stigma can make individuals reluctant to disclose their struggles or seek professional help, and partners may also feel ashamed or unsure of how to support their depressed loved one, often due to lack of understanding or social pressures.

Improving depression

We have a few tips for dealing with depression in relationships, promoting relationship health, and improving communication.

Communication strategies

• Expressing empathy: Acknowledging and validating the partner's feelings, even if they are difficult to understand.

• Using "I" statements: Expressing concerns and needs in a non-accusatory manner, focusing on personal feelings and experiences.

• Find another outlet. 

• Check on the triforce: What type of support or help does your partner want?

Couples therapy and individual therapy

• Couples therapy can promote enhanced communication, mutual support, and improved relationship satisfaction (ucl.ac.uk, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov):

  • Focuses on improving communication, understanding each other's needs, and resolving conflicts collaboratively.

  • Addresses negative interaction patterns and increases supportive behaviors.

• Individual therapy has shown to improve communication skills, boundary setting, and self-discovery (easternshorecounseling.co, goodingsgrovepsych.com):

  • Provides a safe space to explore thoughts and emotions, develop coping strategies, and improve emotional regulation.

  • Helps individuals understand their triggers and behavioral patterns, enhancing interactions with partners.

Self-care and maintaining individual identities within the relationship

• Encourage partners to engage in activities and hobbies that bring them joy and fulfillment.

• Get enough sleep and give yourself permission to rest.

• Highlight the value of maintaining friendships and support systems outside of the relationship.

Be patient, compassionate, and understanding towards yourself and your partner

• Acknowledge that progress may be slow and setbacks are normal.

• Emphasize the power of small, consistent efforts in improving the relationship and managing depression.

• Find a way to care for your partner without taking on the entire burden of their mental health and don’t tolerate unacceptable behavior.