525 - Your Metamour is Not the Villain with Alex Alberto
Welcome, Alex!
We’re so excited to welcome Alex Alberto onto the show! Alex is a queer author, publisher, and filmmaker. Last year, Alex published their memoir, “Entwined: Essays on Polyamory and Creating Home” through Quilted Press, a collective of independent authors they co-founded. This year, Alex is producing a short film called “Coming Out Polyamorous for Thanksgiving,” which is based on an essay from Entwined. Alex also leads writers' retreats and courses at Scrappy Literary, and some of their classes focus on helping writers of all levels write about non-monogamy and unconventional relationships. Alex is originally from Montreal but lives in Upstate New York with their partner, metamour, and kids.
Alex gives their input and perspective on the following questions during this episode:
What did you mean when you say that, “Metamours are the best part of polyamory?”
What are the best and worst metamour relationships each of us have had?
You wrote an article discussing your relationship with your partner’s girlfriend. In what ways are your metamour relationships just as fulfilling as your romantic partnerships?
What advice would you give to people who are new to polyamory, and who don’t know how to get over the jealousy or fear they feel towards their metamours?
Sometimes it’s possible for us to read all the books, listen to all the podcasts, and still not be able to reconcile our emotions, our hearts, and our heads. When you feel like you’ve exhausted all the tools at your disposal, how can you still work towards neutrality when it comes to your metamours?
Are there specific metamour struggles that are simply more difficult/impossible to move past? In these situations, what is a best practice for navigating the complex emotions of multiple partnerships?
Have you ever been in a scenario where you are the hinge and two of your partners don’t get along? What would you do in this scenario, and how would you be understanding and compassionate towards the needs of both of your partners?
We’ve definitely heard from some of our patrons over the years that their metamours actively try to sabotage their relationship with their mutual partner. If you were the mutual partner, what is your responsibility to make the situation better for everyone involved? If you were the one whose relationship is being threatened, what would you do?
You told us that your metamour moved in 8 months ago with her two kids, and that you have a lot to say about co-living, co-parenting, and navigating this transitional period. What have some of the challenges been? What has been delightfully unexpected?
You wrote an article about metamours creating stronger family bonds in your relationships. The framing of that article was a health scare your partner had and how you wished that you had your metamour there to help support you through that challenging time. How can metamours support each other when there are health/financial/other life difficulties with your mutual partner?
Visit Alex’s website at alexalberto.com, or find them on TikTok and Instagram to see more of their work!