Welcome back, Billy!

Billy Procida has come back to the podcast after he was on it back in 2016 to help us answer some of our Patreon listeners’ questions. For those who don’t know him, Billy is a stand-up comedian in New York City where he runs a monthly naked comedy show. He's been published in Mashable and Marie Claire, and has interviewed his exes for over 9 years on The Manwhore Podcast.

The questions we’re discussing in this episode are:

1. “My spouse and I attend a lifestyle club. I get a ton of attention and they don’t (they also present as masc). People come up to me all the time, compliment me, engage in conversation with us as a couple, but the minute I leave a group to grab a drink, use the bathroom or say hi to a friend, people typically lose interest in talking to my spouse. And when they do come up to them randomly, it’s to tell them ‘your wife is so hot!’

   This hurts me because they are a good person who is interesting on their own. And they’re a kind and attentive dom. They are also extremely insecure. How might I navigate this environment differently to better support them?”

2. “I've recently left a very religious background, and I'm struggling to have comfortable and open conversations about sex with my partner, who has a similar upbringing. We're both in our twenties, and we're trying to discover what we like sexually, but our past experiences often make this difficult. We've had serious talks about consent, but we're still finding it hard to navigate this topic. Any advice on how we can grow comfortable discussing sex and exploring our sensuality?”

   • Commented on the above question: “This resonates with me so much! I started my religious deconstruction journey several years ago. About a year ago, my partner of 4 years told me he is polyamorous. We started opening our relationship but it's been a struggle for me to process the idea of  him being sexually intimate with someone else. He came from a long-term relationship where his needs were ignored (and at times harshly judged).  The logical, everyday side of myself fully loves and supports him being true to himself and exploring the wants and needs he wasn't able to for so long. As I've been processing where this dissonance is coming from (in part with my therapist), I'm realizing a big portion comes from the same shame around sex from my religious upbringing. It's compounded by my history as an SA survivor. He's been supportive of me through this process as well, but I feel like I've hit a wall of sorts with ways to move past it. I would love to hear your thoughts or any advice you have for ways to navigate this while still supporting my partner.”

3. “I recently went through a break up via veto. My partner is married and his spouse no longer wants to be poly. I'm hesitant to date anyone who is already partnered because I'm afraid of that happening again. The whole situation has made me put a freeze on dating anyone at all. Any advice on thawing me out?”

4. “As the current dating landscape is increasingly mediated by dating apps, this technology treats men specifically as a twofold problem: it uses the relative over-representation of men compared to women in the user base to sell women the filtering tools that come with premium subscriptions, and then sells men tools to make their profiles stand out and appear more attractive past these filters, in a weird arms race. This further gamifies the system and incentivises men particularly, but all users as well, to think of this in terms of investment and strategy to maximize returns: cast a wide net, devalue each individual interaction, approach each date as some kind of audition, and be superficial in making connections or judging people. This affects how people behave not just on-line but also in person. So how do we navigate such a dating landscape? How can we as men avoid internalizing some of the more pernicious and harmful dimensions of this dating culture, and go about meeting people with authenticity and care? In other words, how do we not play this game, especially not on these terms?”

5. “Do you know of any stats around how many of the folx who are polyam/non-monogamous are straight and how many are queer? Asking as someone in a six member polycule with some heterosexual-presenting relationships within it, but no heterosexuals.”

Find Billy’s podcast The Manwhore Podcast on any major podcast network, and find more about Billy on Twitter and Instagram at @billyprocida!